Maya Angelou – A Tribute

It’s been a year since the passing of the legendary Maya Angelou, a phenomenal woman, who inspired me with her wisdom and words. She was an author, a poet, a civil rights activist and a playwright. President Barack Obama described her as “one of the brightest lights of our time”. Like many others, I was introduced to Maya Angelou through her words. Books like ‘I know why caged birds sing’ and poems like ‘Still I Rise’ have had such a powerful impact. Her words and poetry were an electrifying gift to my spirit. Words that were so powerful, she was able to express the inner depths of feelings that I could relate to as a young girl. For many, Maya Angelou was a poet and writer who experienced abuse, pain and suffering. She wrote about being a poor, black girl, an outcast and a misfit in society. She wrote about living in fear and sexual violence. Crucially, what she wrote transcended all the negativity and she was able to use it to set others free. Her poignant words continue to resonate with me, “It’s one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody”

When I reflect back on her life, her legacy is clear. Maya Angelou did not confine herself to just one audience. Her words have become universal, across races, genders and ages. She was able to communicate a message of great strength, hope and love. Legacy is something I talk about a lot, and the more I think about it, Mayo Angelou’s legacy to me, is one of pride. She was one of the first female writers that got my attention. She gave me the courage to exist in a world where being a woman of colour is still met with all kinds of glass ceilings. Along with my mother, she showed me that it was ok for a young black girl to dream big. This gave me permission to not be afraid to be different. That same pride allows me to stand tall as a strong authentic black woman in my own voice.

I could easily fill this blog with her famous sayings such as “Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud”. But the one that stands out to me, that I know to be true, and is one that reflects how I try to live my own life is– “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel”. These wise words have given me such insight over the years.

So a year on, I’d like to say thank you to Maya Angelou for your wise words, and all you have given to me and hopefully other little black girls. We will keep the legacy going and keep rising.

Update as promised since my interview with Fiona Small on my show Tea & A Chat. Check out what happened in Jamaica.

No Small Change

‘Life hasn’t been a bed of roses, I’ve made mistakes, but being authentic, engaging, and believing in myself and God has stood me in good stead.’

Last month I had the pleasure of interviewing self-starter and go-getter: the founder of the Young Mums Support Network UK, Fiona Small. As anyone who knows me will tell you, I revel at the chance to meet and connect with people. I love to hear about their professional and academic achievements but what really makes me tick is digging beneath the surface; understanding what lies at the very core of a person. It beguiles and galvanises me; their trials and tribulations, hopes and dreams. That passion is what birthed ‘Tea and Chat’ and meeting with Fiona was far from disappointing. Chatting to her was like witnessing a private and deeply moving testimony. Those of you who tuned into Fiona’s episode (undoubtedly sucked in by her magnetism and sincerity) will have been left wondering ‘what happened in Jamaica?’ I simply couldn’t wait to re-connect with Fiona and hear how her journey home unravelled emotionally and spiritually. Fiona answers the phone in her usual buoyant style and in true Fiona style, she immediately jests ‘Well, I’m not in hospital!’
In Fiona’s mind, the memory of Jamaica had mutated into a mental block that prevented her from revisiting Jamaica. It was with tears in her eyes she sat and told me that she’d been terrified that, to her, Jamaica was a sort of malediction. The last visit was pivotal; tainted by the death of her beloved Aunt (a devastating loss, Fiona still struggles with the memory of watching her Aunts battle with cancer) and the hospitalisation that ensued on her return to the UK. Her return to Jamaica defeated her fears.
Fiona got off the plane and sat in the back of a car, staring into the Caribbean night, absorbing the familiar smells, heat and sounds. She was consumed with trepidation and anxiety, overwhelmed by the memories of her Aunt and the recent passing of her incredible 101 year old great-grandfather whose funeral she was soon to attend. By the following morning the sun had risen and shone onto the veranda of her grandma’s newly built house and Fiona felt her misgivings and fears fade away. She spent days touring the island, packed into a jeep with her mother and her aunts, revelling in the empowerment of sitting amongst generations of women. She returned home with a feeling of peace, demons finally vanquished, a new lease of life within her.
The road ahead is a busy one for Fiona but she revels in the challenge. Fresh back from addressing the RCPCH in Birmingham where she addressed 300 academics and professionals, bringing them on board for her international ‘Ladies Lunch’ vision; she is bubbling over with zeal. ‘I’m a visionary!’ she enthuses, before reeling off an impressive list of what 2015 has in store for her. The dreams she is tracking, the ambitions she is chasing; all of which are based around giving back and supporting women. ‘Ladies Lunch’ has taken off at rocket speed; women up and down the country relate to Fiona, love her vision and simply want to get involved. Like all of us, Fiona has her fair share of soul scars; she bravely bares them in the spirit of ‘realness’ and sisterhood, and whilst she still has down days and tough times, she rings off from our conversation animatedly insisting we meet for coffee, bursting at the seam with ideas, ready for the next adventure. One thing is for sure: Fiona has only just begun. Watch this space…

‘I believe true strength comes from taking ownership of your own experiences. And proudly accepting them as your own.’

“Even the word imperfect says ‘I’m perfect’

The ‘perfect’ woman, myth or mindset?

With the much-anticipated birth of baby Princess Charlotte, all eyes are on the Duchess of Cambridge, Kate Middleton. Footage of her emerging from the hospital immaculately turned out in a lemon dress glossy and glowing, meant that daytime television and magazines quickly dubbed her ‘the perfect woman’. I’m sure, like many of you, I asked ‘but what is perfection?’. Kate grew up in a middle-class home, attended the best schools, gained an honours degree and, of course, bagged herself the future king of England. She got married at the ‘perfect’ age, had children at the ‘perfect’ time and, if the tabloids are anything to go by, has created the ‘perfect’ work-mother balance. She doesn’t smoke and only drinks socially. Oh, and a survey based on the minds of 22,000 British men showed that the ‘perfect’ woman looks like Kate too; slender, long brown hair and green eyes. As a genuine supporter of women, I sincerely hope that Kate’s life is as enchantingly ‘perfect’ as it appears to be. As a ‘real’ woman, however, who does not have green eyes (or a royal prince waiting for me in a palace) I can honestly say that perfection is a state of mind. It’s subjective, an idea; the very definition is without shortcomings or flaws. It means different things to different people. As a human condition ‘perfection’ is something we can only endeavour to carve out for ourselves depending on the standards we set for ourselves. Perfection is what we make of it, not what we are told it should be.

I, for one, stopped trying to live up to other people’s standards of ‘perfection’ years ago. Why? I’ve been blessed with enormous gifts and successes in my life, but I’ve also faced hardships, loss and unthinkable challenges. Years after each of my challenges, after the storms had passed and the silver lining had emerged, I’ve sat and asked myself: ‘what would I change?’, if there were a genie in a bottle somewhere would I rub it and ask to have been given ‘the perfect life?’ Absolutely not! Every experience I have had has made me who I am today. Every hardship has given me perspective, wisdom and moxie. Through loss I’ve learned to appreciate what I have. Through heartache I’ve learned what I’m made of. I’ve discovered for myself the gloriously ‘imperfect’ womanhood that my own mother taught me with her actions, words, lifestyle and legacy. Lessons learned, sometimes the hard way, that I can now proudly bestow my own children. I can’t promise them life will be ‘perfect’ but I can instill within them the tools to be graceful, courageous, positive and patient. I can teach them how to embrace and love their own perfect imperfections, how to expect the best but prepare for the worst and how to stand up, perfectly, when life knocks them down.

My life hasn’t always folded neatly into boxes with bows on, but it has been something of an adventure. My deepest lows have taught me how to seek out and appreciate the dizzying highs.

During my career I’ve met all kinds of people whom (on the surface) appear to have it all. I suspect that on the outside there have been times I’ve been perceived in much the same way. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that almost nothing is as it appears. Lady Diana was envied by thousands of women for decades before we learned the truths behind her own story; one that was riddled with bulimia, insecurity, loneliness and rejection.

As women we should celebrate our ‘flaws’, appreciate ourselves in all our precious wonder. From stretch marks to failed marriages, the car that doesn’t always start and that stubborn 10lbs that just won’t shift.

Perfection is not what house you live in or how glossy your mane is. Perfection is what you make of life. Or rather, what life makes of you. It’s what you do with the cards you’re dealt, with the mistakes you’ve made, with the hardships you’ve overcome. It’s to open your heart and mind to the universe and see what it delivers to you. To wake up everyday and be the best you can be; to love and be loved. To set yourself authentic standards and to go to bed each night knowing you’ve done your best to meet them. It’s to accept that life events are, for the most part, beyond our control. To accept a higher wisdom, to know there is a bigger picture, control the controllables and simply… Exhale.

It’s to one day leave behind a legacy whereby you’re remembered as a kind, genuine woman who did not take herself too seriously, who saw the beauty in her own quirks, knew her shortcomings and ‘rocked them’. That, to me, is perfection.

According to tabloids and magazines, I may not be the ‘perfect woman’, but I am perfectly imperfect. And that, is enough for me.