It’s lonely at the top.

Like most people, I have been following the Presidency of Barack Obama over the last 18 months, and recently couldn’t help but notice the honeymoon is definitely over.  Obama’s ratings are down and still declining and he is being criticised on all fronts from the handling of the BP oil disaster, Afghanistan, health legislation…and the list continues.  David Cameron’s recent visit to the oval office had the British press dictating the agenda before he had even stepped foot on American soil.  The media suggested that now was the time to be standing up to President Obama and stop being America’s poodle unlike the previous Government and call this ‘special relationship’ into check.   It was almost as if they saw Obama as a wounded animal and now was the perfect time to strike.  In fact what Mr Cameron did was put the relationship into perspective by calling the UK a junior partner, much to the annoyance of certain circles.  And that was the end of that!

A year ago almost every world leader on the planet was beating a path to Obama’s door, all looking for that all important photo opportunity, perhaps to even elevate their own status.  Last September as the President was delivering his address to Congress on the healthcare reform he was heckled by a Republican Congressman.  Observers including his own party branded Joe Wilson ‘disrespectful’ and his comments ‘inappropriate’.  There were lots of discussions later on talk shows etc asking the question – would this have happened if the President was white?  As a child our parents taught us that in order to succeed in life, it was simply not enough to just get good grades, be polite, turn up on time etc.  I was taught I had to be better. Get better grades, be a better person, be more polite, cleaner and tidier and if I did all those things I would be able to compete with my peers on most levels.  Now thankfully, I had parents that believed in me and instilled good vision and values, which resulted in me being self driven, motivated and focused.  And now, when I set my mind to do something I am certain I will achieve it.

Well what does that have to do with President Obama, I hear you ask?  It is simply this – Even if you do all the above and more and reach the highest office in the land, become the top performer in your company, get the promotion you deserve, you will always have your critics.  You will always have people waiting for you to fall, make mistakes; they criticise from the sidelines as they are never quite bold enough to go for things themselves.

But what we need to do is teach that your talent will open doors and get you so far, but it’s your character that will sustain you.  When you fall and make mistakes, the power and development of who you are is in how you rise.  Your critics will smell blood and be waiting for you to lash out in whatever way, so that they can say those famous words ‘I told you so’.  But how will you deal with those situations?  Will you succumb to peer pressure? Do what everybody else does? Give up? Quit?  Lash out?  Because if your motivation is driven out of the need to please people or prove people wrong, you will never really have long lasting rewarding success.

The CEO of Prudential Tidjane Thiam a former Ivory Coast Politician was described by The Times in March as a ‘Business Big Shot’ as he was attempting the audacious takeover of the Asian arm of AIG – AIA.  He is the first black Chief Executive of a FTSE 100 company although according to the BBC he hates people dwelling on that fact.  By June he had to face the wrath of the shareholders over the £450m cost of his failed takeover attempt.   It was reported in all the business pages and they stated that his days were numbered.  He is currently still Prudential’s CEO.

Oprah Winfrey according to Forbes 2010 International Billionaires List has a net worth of $2.3bn and is described as the richest black woman in the world, however that did not stop her 81-year old cousin Katherine Carr Esters from speaking to Kitty Kelly who was writing an unauthorised celebrity biography.  Looking to unearth Oprah’s secrets the cousin states that she did not believe the abuse claims in Oprah’s childhood, claiming them to be false.  Needless to say Kitty Kelly has been unable to secure interviews on shows such as Barbara Walters to Larry King.

It seems to me that successful people, particularly successful black people need to have thick skin and very broad shoulders as there is a heavy burden to carry that comes with success.  It’s as if you are carrying the hopes and dreams of probably every black person on the planet that are hoping and praying you do well, mistakes are made in private and no cobwebs are lurking in the closet.   It reminds me of the days when our parents came to this country and it was very difficult for them to feel a sense of belonging and one of the things my dad and his friends always loved was when the West Indies would beat England at cricket.  In those days they didn’t just beat them they whipped their butts!

What those guys achieved was more than a win at cricket.  It made those immigrants from the West Indies go into work the next day standing tall and holding their heads up high regardless of how they felt at work or what racist abuse they were going through.  They maintained their dignity and carried on in the face of adversity.  The flip side to this is when you watch the news and a crime has been committed you find yourself praying ‘please, please not a black person’ and the description follows and your heart sinks.  You then feel yet again you then have to go into work and defend yourself to try to break down those typical stereotypes that you have been fighting against.

So often we look at what people have and we want those things with envy.  Unfortunately for a lot of us, we don’t want the journey that goes with it as it can be a very lonely road.  We don’t want to have do deal with the critics, the hard work and all those things associated with success.  But these are the ingredients that build and grow us and I hate to say it, but all these things come with the territory!

Saying it loud & proud?

Just over a week ago I was watching coverage of the Raoul Moat saga unfold live on my screen.  Unfortunately, it ended in his death and in the aftermath we have seen the role social networking sites now play in our society.  Within perhaps hours or days of his death a Facebook fan page had been created and the ‘tributes’ were pouring in thick and fast attracting over 35,000 members. One of the pages which have since been taken down by Facebook was called ‘RIP Raoul Moat You legend’ and was set up by Siohan O’Dowd.  According to the Daily Mirror, Siobhan set the page up as a laugh as her boyfriend was in prison for burglary and she herself was not a huge fan of the police. What could be more fun than to make a mockery of the police force through this page?  What it did do was attract every dispossessed psycho, loser, coward, and no hoper in town who had a loathing for the police.  What a cork to pop!

As I mentioned, this site has now been taken down, but there is one other site remaining ‘RIP Raoul Moat’ which has over 14,000 members and again having had a look through the various postings, it is clear to say that this is not a site for grieving family and friends.  Jeremy Kyle would probably be too advanced for these members.  But without getting too personal, is this not what happens when you have freedom of speech.  We do live in a democracy, and as long as we are not saying things that are considered racist, slanderous or libellous that could land us in court, we are pretty much free to say whatever we want regardless of who could get hurt or offended – That’s why it’s called Freedom of Speech!

Facebook eventually bowed to pressure as even the Prime Minister got involved and last week the page was deleted.  Even Raoul Moat’s older sibling Angus condemned the page saying he did not even think his dead brother would approve.  So was Facebook right or wrong to allow the page with the word ‘legend’ to be created as the one that remains is similar without these words?  The posts are still vile; there are no touching tributes or tender words, no nostalgic stories. 

On a similar note, do you remember earlier in the year a Muslim radical group threatened to march through Wootten Bassett?  A town which holds processions for fallen British Soldiers when they return home. 

Often on a weekly basis, you saw grieving relatives line the streets as the coffins drove past.  You could not help but be moved by these scenes.  Yet this group Islam4UK wanted to parade through the same town to honour the Muslims killed in Afghanistan.  Imagine the outrage, the phone-ins, and the discussions.  Needless to say, the parade did not go ahead, my own view is that is was merely a publicity stunt for their cause.  I don’t think they ever had any intention of marching, but it made headline news for a number of days.

And what about the BNP?  Recently given a platform on prime time viewing show BBC’s Question Time.  A covertly racist party permitted to tout their racist views to whoever is too ignorant to know better.  Surely even they did not merit this.  It’s a fine line and in my view, the clue is in the phrase ‘Freedom of Speech’ – It’s the word FREEDOM.  Freedom of speech is the freedom to speak without censorship or limitation or both and is recognised as a fundamental human right.  Now along with this, there are frameworks, codes of conduct, ethics – whatever banner you want to put it under that should give the public some sort of protection. 

Everyone is free to speak, good or bad, we can now voice our concerns, have our protests along with everybody else.  If you go to Speaker’s Corner in Hyde Park you will see this demonstrated on a daily basis.  Unfortunately what this does is open a can of worms to everyone whose agenda may be slightly warped or perverted.  However, as we all know, just because someone else’s view isn’t the same as your own does not mean they don’t have the right to be heard.  After all, that is what can make a great debate! 

There are lots of great shows out there that encourage this, and especially with a phone-in, the extreme views in which some people hold never surprises me. The thing is if people are not allowed to express these views in a safe environment, we’d all be living in The Truman Show or even worse a dictatorship and in some parts of the world that is still a reality today.  So let’s be thankful, that as painful as it may be, and how easy it is to take offence, we must remember that freedom of speech is a vital thread in the fabric of our society.  I thank God for education over ignorance and the opportunities that freedom of speech has given me to influence others to even try to change negative viewpoints and mindsets.  There are so many issues that need addressing, arguments that need to be heard. 

I’m fed up with the number of times I’ve complained or protested about the stereotypes of black people in soaps such as Eastenders, but do many of you see it as an opportunity or do you just accept it?  Do you ever think that without your viewpoint, the status quo will be just that?  So let me leave you with one final question, what are you using your freedom of speech to do?

Fate of state or private estate?

For all those who have children approaching the end of primary school life, we all start to wonder what the next option will be. Shall you send your content 11-year old to a state school, where they may get caught up in the wrong crowd and may not achieve the grades which you would have anticipated? Or do you send them to a private school where you believe that by paying a high cost for your sweetheart’s education, will hopefully help them to leave with A*s?

According to a report conducted by the BBC, more than half of of all students in private schools come out with A or A* GCSE grades. 38% of all children getting three As or better at A-levels, were sent to a private school.

When I look at secondary schools, there is no wonder why many parents would prefer to send their children into private education, as the backgrounds of certain young people can affect those around them who get suckered into peer pressure.  According to an article written by Jessica Shepherd for The Guardian, on average the cost of sending a child to private school is £10,100.  I’m all for private schools because of the level of education which is inforced but can every penny be justified if you child completes private school with low grades and an element of rebelling to match?

Times have changed in terms of schooling, as the days when boarding schools meant that you were shipped off for the term and could see your family on holiday periods only, are not implemented in all private institutions. There were always stories of children who had done their time in boarding school and now seeked to take on the world by drinking, smoking, partying and generally doing the things they were not allowed to do on the school premises.

I believe that over the years state schools have definitely been built upon a not-so-good reputation, depending on the area that the school is based in. But how does a school reputation become a reputation? Is it because of the school teachers, the pupils or the the education which is being taught, that determines whether a school will end up becoming bad or not? We hear so many stories of parents lying about their address to get children into the ‘it’ school. So what if you don’t get your child into the state school which is at the top of the league tables? Does this mean that all the other state schools are going to damage your child’s chances of receiving a good education?

Recently a family member of mine was offered a school place at a school in Peckham which is known for many incidents. At a serious cost, she had to take the decision of sending her child into private education instead. Due to this unforeseen circumstance,  she now has no disposable income whatsoever. What choice are you left with when you feel absolutely helpless, as you want to ensure the safety of your child? Sending her child back to the West Indies to be educated was a topic which was also discussed, as academically a West Indian education often surpasses the teachings of UK schooling.

I know I personally wouldn’t mind lying about my address if I thought it would help increase the chance of my child coming home in one piece, as opposed to receiving a phonecall from the school informing me that my child had been the victim of a stabbing, wouldn’t you?

It is definitely a sad state of affairs when you have to lie in order to create a better opportunity for your children; or indeed try to ensure their safety.

I feel a lot of people have this misconception that people who send their children to private school are on the snobby side. It is true that many people that send their children to private schools are considered snobs as their children wouldn’t be caught dead in clothes from good ol’ Primarni. This is turn could encourage victimisation as not all pupils have parents who can afford to lavish them in designerwear. If we flip the coin, it would feel as though we are still doing them an injustice when there is no guarantee that these children will be accepted by those from a middle or upper class background.

There are many determining factors that can affect the way in which you child is taught or how they learn. When you look at children who are brought up in the West Indies, you can see how advanced they are in terms of education and I am sure the majority of them were not sent to private school. The national curriculum is an important part to play in how your child is taught as well as, external factors such as peers, learning within the home and dedication. Long gone are the days when all children would look up to their teachers or at least respect their authority, as young people nowadays are know to tell their teacher to ‘shut up’ and in some instances have even hit them in anger.

Upbringing has a very important part to play when sending your children to school. Many of us wouldn’t have dreamed of saying anything misconstrude to a teacher as we knew what the consequences would be when we got home.  Children in present times are more likely to  tell their teachers about themselves than just consume a ‘telling off’ with a silent tongue.

So I ask you, do you think sending children to private school will guarantee them a first-class education? The one point I do note about private schools is that young people are able to make valuable contacts which could help them achieve their long-term goals at some point. On the other hand only a small percentage of children are sent to private school, whilst the others endure life in a state school. Many of these young people still end up becoming big-earners regardless of them having an education funded by the Government.

Fate of state or private estate, which road would you take to give your child the best education? If you can afford to send your child to a private institute, would you? Or would you let them achieve the best education by using their own merit in gaining good grades?

So what is the right choice? You decide!

Is the age of innocence well and truly dead?

Anyone who has children of primary school age probably dreads the time when they’re asked ‘Where do babies come from?  For most parents, out comes a feeble, stuttered, kop out response or if you’re really prepared it flows like manna from heaven.  However, I know I would rather sit down with my child and discuss the birds and the bees when I feel it is appropriate and in my own timing.  Unfortunately, the nanny state begs to differ and every so often we are told that our children must be taught sex education at a younger and younger age and in more graphic detail.

Before the general election the British Watchdog NICE – National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence proposed the introduction of sex education to children as young as five.  This would have included contraception and civil partnerships.  NICE thought that by telling children about sex before they engage in it would prevent them from succumbing to peer pressure when they get older.  The proposals were later dropped from the bill after the Tories won the general election, probably to the relief of most parents and faith schools who were concerned that this would have opened up a can of worms, having to discuss abortions, homosexuality and a wide range of sexual practises.

This makes me ask the question, how young is too young?  When should we start discussing the topic of sex with our children?  Surely five is way too young to go into all that detail.  At the moment, Channel 4 is screening quite a graphic series entitled ‘The Sex Education Show’ which seems to be getting a lot of discussion amongst teenagers.  Surely, this is the group that should be targeted most and not five year olds?  I might also add that this program is on at 9pm.  I’m not saying that we totally ignore a younger child if the question is asked, but perhaps we can just skim the surface to maintain their innocence.  I’m sure they wouldn’t be able to comprehend too much information anyway.

I wonder how many parents engage their kids on this level and are happy to discuss things of a sexual nature with them, or is it still a taboo subject and are they relieved that the state is more than happy to relieve them of those parental duties?   We have teenage pregnancies amongst the highest in Europe and no amount of free condoms seems to be having the right effect.

The age of innocence seems to be disappearing and our children are exposed to things which in my childhood were considered soft porn.  Soaps like Eastenders and Hollyoaks are hardly what I consider family viewing, but yet we sit down with our kids and watch them.  How can we then be surprised with what our kids are getting up to? And if we don’t discuss it with them, how will we know if they are sexually active?  They so easily accept sexual promiscuity as the norm.  Sex is everywhere, from movies and soaps to advertising and music videos.  Our children are bombarded with sexual images whether we like it or not.  It also comes thick and fast into our homes, onto our TV screens with more and more scenes of sexual imagery that regardless of the watershed, sometimes has you reaching ever so quickly for the remote control.

An article in the Guardian last month said the age of puberty for girls is dropping at an alarming rate with researchers not knowing what is driving it down.   Girls on average begin breast development at the age of nine.  The report also goes on to say that ‘whatever the reason, the phenomenon is worrying, to say the least. In a complex and recklessly sexually liberal developed world, the time needed to prepare for adulthood, emotionally and intellectually, is surely much greater than ever. Instead, childhood is becoming briefer, and minors with the bodies and the desires of men and women are more common. It’s a profoundly sad modern paradox’.  Wow!  Imagine that, a child in an adults body with no real knowledge of how to act or control it.  Well, that’s what’s happening with our kids and our boys are not excluded either.  They are walking around with a 6ft plus frame with shoes the size of a professional basketball player, full of testosterone and attitude, unfortunately without the wisdom, knowledge and experience to match.  What a cocktail!

So do we need to discuss sex education at a younger age? Personally, I think aged eight to nine is a good place to start especially if puberty is beginning to occur.  No one can deny the scale of the problem but is this really the solution? Childhood is such a precious time and my worry is, to introduce a five year old to the world of adult emotions and relationships, somehow takes that innocence away.  Perhaps we should place more emphasis on teaching young girls the value of a high self-esteem and the difficulties of being a single parent rather than how to put on a condom!

Let me share some facts with you – A recent Government ‘You Gov’ Sex Education Survey revealed that two thirds of sexually active 18 year olds lost their virginity before they were 16.  40% of all 14-17 year olds are sexually active. 20% of those surveyed had their first sexual experience at 13 or under and nearly a quarter of all 14 year olds are sexually active.  These are shocking figures which make me as a parent sit up and take notice.

Where on earth have our children gone?  Regardless of how they act or feel, they are just children.  Parents, we really need to get a grip of our kids, wake up and smell the coffee.  Otherwise, the next generation will be full of children having children.  My worry is I think this may have already started!